


Mirror Image

by Dain



Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: Depression, Gen, M/M, Pre-Series, Self-Harm, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-08
Updated: 2014-06-08
Packaged: 2018-02-03 22:56:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1759059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dain/pseuds/Dain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Look, Dad, I’m not going to do anything stupid, okay?”</p><p>“You’ve said that before. Then it all goes horribly wrong.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mirror Image

**Author's Note:**

> In case you missed the tags: this does depict self-harm and depression, and references suicide. The quote used at the very beginning is from the finale that aired today, although it was also in the teaser clip if you've seen that.

**2013**

_“Look, Dad, I’m not going to do anything stupid, okay?”_

_“You’ve said that before. Then it all goes horribly wrong.”_

**2009**

“Kier, are you sure you’re all right?”

“I’m fine, Mum. Stop worrying.”

***

And he is fine, he tells himself. He has it under control. He isn’t doing great, but he’s doing fine. He doesn’t warrant their worry.

They don’t ask why he’s wearing long sleeves in the summer and he doesn’t tell them about the red lines on his arms and really, it’s all under control.

***

“Mum said you’re feeling bad.”

“Yeah. I guess.”

“You’ve still got us, you know?”

“I know, Jem.”

“It’s sad though, isn’t it.”

“Yeah.”

“His parents…”

“Mmm.”

***

He locks himself in his room and cries, because he’s all alone now and there’s nothing left and it was all his fault.

_You killed Rick. You killed Rick. You killed Rick._

_If you had just..._

Someone’s knocking on the door but he doesn’t answer, can’t answer, everything is just too much, and he has the knife in his hand and he needs to be punished, deserves it, but doesn’t he enjoy the pain isn’t it a sort of reward _what is wrong with him_

***

“Your mum and I have talked and we think…maybe you need to talk to someone, eh? Someone professional.”

“I’m fine.”

“Well, it’s hard, something like this. We know it is. And we don’t want to see it getting any…any worse.”

“Nothing’s getting worse. I’m not going to do anything stupid.”

“If you’re sure. It’s your choice, Kier.”

***

It’s not his first thought. Bringing the knife doesn’t seem earthshattering. He just thinks: I need to feel.

He needs to feel, and yet when he gets to the cave he leaves it in his pocket. He can’t summon the energy to take it out. He’s not sure how he even managed to get here.

Time passes; hours, maybe. He cries a little. Falls asleep. He’s tired, exhausted, all the way down to his bones.

And, eventually, the thought worms its way into his head despite all his attempts to keep it out. This is it, this is really, truly, _it_. He’s never going to see Rick again. He’s never going to hear his voice again or make him laugh or show him a new painting or steal a kiss when no one’s looking. There’s nothing in the future for them, just… _nothing_. And that's his fault. The thought is unbearable, and it tears a new gaping wound somewhere inside him.

He feels, suddenly, very awake.

***

“…Kier? Kieren, is that you?”


End file.
